No Words

That’s a bit of a misnomer since I am here writing all this down. So  many conflicting feelings on this one. Sunday was a great day. Probably one of the greatest I’ve had in a long time.

The entire reason it was great is because of my mom. My mom is probably the most amazing person I know and because of that fact it makes me really sad that she is so far away now. For the large majority of my life my mom has been less than 10 miles away from me (and for a child of divorce that’s awesome) but last year she had to move for work. She is now almost 5 hours away. But back to way Sunday was great. My mom was in town and since every time she visits it seems I am working I called out of work and spent an entire 24 hours with her. I enjoy every minute I get to spend with my mom because I am practically her clone. Unfortunately my 24 hours were not all happy.

My older brother lives in a town close by but we don’t get along so I never go down to see him. My mom convinced me to go with her for a quick visit. And for 2 hours I endured someone who is my polar opposite. In a shortened abridged version it was a terrible visit filled with bad memories and the majority of who was there getting offended. Somehow it was still a good visit for my mom.

Today I got a call from my dad to say I had been rude and that I need to be more mindful. Yep, that’s right. My 26 year old brother called my father and told on me. This gives me great hope for his children to be decent human beings. (Sarcastic laugh inserted here.) I felt justified in what happened. I put up with my brother and his awful wife, got punched and verbally attacked. I really wonder sometimes how this person is related to me by full blood. Ridiculous.

I don’t think my family realizes the true reason I do not want to have children. I don’t want to have a 50% chance of continuing a line of purely phobic of change bigots. I am sad to say I even regret sharing the same last name. If I could I would legally change my name to my mom’s maiden name. (I could, but I am poor…) I dream of the day when I will no longer need any assistance or correspondence from that circle of small minded, phobic, hicks. I don’t even wish to live in the same state as them.



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