Post Fight

Last night was awful. But worse than the actual fight and almost break up is the residual awfulness. The big question is how long we’ll be able to make it work. We’ve never had a fight this bad.

Everything started because I was very irritable from work and little things kept picking away at me. Yes when I got home be had already gone and bought a beer and he was asking me if he could go get another. The drinking is a really big problem for me because it makes him very hard to be around. So after dealing with that for a few hours I exploded.

The fight was bad. Like really bad. Bad enough that I was packing his stuff so I could take him to his mother’s. That didn’t end up happening though. However I am half waiting for him to just leave anyway. I am not even sure how to feel anymore. I am just exhausted.

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Huge Fight

Tonight was just awful. My boyfriend and I had a huge fight that almost ended in us breaking up. After getting the angry out the civil sadness came into play and lots of crying, by me. Well I’ve been awake since 5 a.m. And it’s almost midnight now. I am all sorts of exhausted, physical and emotional.

No more drama for a while. I need a vacation…

Parking Rage?

So I was heading into work today when I saw this truck and trailer parked sideways in the handicapped parking literally taking up 4 and 1/2 parking spots.


So since this is at my work I snapped the photo so I could go inside and show my manager to see if the situation could be corrected, because that is just unacceptable parking. We literally have trailer parking on the next row over. But to my surprise the owner was coming out right then and saw me take the picture. He approached me and said, “Can I help you?” I said no and started to continue inside. He then started angrily asking why I took a picture of his truck. I responded that I liked the why he parked, no anger at him. He then angrily exploded, “What the fuck?! Did you get the handicap sticker also?”
“No, but thank you,” I smiled back.

A More Detailed Decision

Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. I’d been told that my relationship is unhealthy and I needed to end it. There was a lot of crying. Several times yesterday at work I almost lost myself and just broke down crying.

Obviously I don’t want to break up with Randall. I did consider the side of breaking up but that was during my break points of crying. And yes breaking up would probably make my life easier, but I wouldn’t be happy living that life.

Even though Randall doesn’t have a job I need him everyday. We’ve come to an agreement and I hope it works. My main problem was he drinks, so he’s promised to stop drinking. I am really happy he has because I didn’t like being around him when he drank. Now if there’s anymore problems we can fix them.

Personal Struggle

I am having a very difficult inner struggle right now. I am going to work today and the past two days have been my days off. They weren’t great to say the least.

The first day was ok until Randall and I had an argument that almost ended in us breaking up. We reconciled and things were fine after that. Until day two.

Day two my mom asked me to all her and the conversation we had was the last thing I wanted to hear. She told me she didn’t like Randall and I being together. Randall doesn’t have a job and she says our relationship isn’t healthy. She told me I had to break up with him and kick him out.

My biggest problem is that I idolize my mom. She’s the most amazing person I know and I hate to disappoint her. I will admit Randall doesn’t like her much because he says she judges him.

But here are the facts, I do love being with Randall. He helps me a lot, especially isn’t my accident. He may not have a job but he cooks and cleans and buys food. My cats love him and have come to be really great cats since he moved in. I know he cares about me. Our love life is happy and spontaneous. I never really cared that he didn’t have a job because he does so much at home. Yes we have problems but we’re happy together. So far my only idea to make everything better is I’ve told him he has to get a job. But if he doesn’t I don’t know what I’ll have to do.

I don’t want to break up.